Six Precious Years! 58/365

Six years ago today, I stood before some government officials on the other side of the world and promised to love, educate, and afford LeeLee the same privileges as my biological children.  Then after promising to do those things, the public official signed off on our papers, we signed our papers, and LeeLee's footprint was put on the papers to seal the deal.  She was ours!

Honestly, I can't believe it has been six years.  It seems like just yesterday that she was placed in our arms.  She has grown so much.  It is hard to look back at her pictures.  She looked at this one tonight and said, "I looked so lonely, Mom, was I lonely?  I think I was really lonely."  I just wanted to scoop her up and say, of course you were lonely, but I have to be careful not to project how I would have felt on her.  It was her life, not mine.  I can only assume that yes, she was lonely.  She spent 10 months in that crib waiting.  She ate in that crib, slept in that crib, and played in that crib.  The scars from being in that crib run deep.  She masks it well, but they are there.

LeeLee has come so far!  Most people who meet her fall in love.  She has more spirit than the average child.  She is dynamic, engaging, and very bright.  If I'm down about something, she is the one I want around.  She somehow lifts me up.  I only hope that I do the same for her.

Today has been a tough day for us.  Looks like we are going to lose a man that is very near and dear to our family.  We have so many questions about the circumstances, and unfortunately, they will never be answered.  I picked up Hope and Noelle from school early.  LeeLee and Hunter were already home sick, because I wanted to deal with with this loss as a family instead of anyone hearing anything that I couldn't filter first.  When we talked to the kids, LeeLee was the one that just looked directly at me and said, we need to pray.  She led the most beautiful prayer for our precious friend, then she asked me to pray.  I did, and then she was off like nothing had happened, while everyone else was falling apart.  Then later she came to me and crawled up in my lap and said, "Sometimes I don't look sad on the outside, but on the inside I am breaking.  On the inside is where my heart is, and my heart is broken."  That was such a huge statement for her, because while we celebrate this six years with her, it is based on a tremendous loss for her.  She does squash her feelings, and that is an ongoing issue for us, but we have come so far.  We have worked so hard to help her overcome her past, and her being able to label how she feels on the inside is huge.

I love you my precious girl!  My life changed for the better the day you entered into it.  My heart was forever changed that day, and I will be indebted to you forever for that.  I am proud to be your momma.  I love watching you grow and change.  I love watching you overcome.  I love watching your achievements!  Thanks for being my precious girl.  I love you more than the sun, and the moon, and the stars in the sky!  I can't wait to continue to watch you grow and become the beautiful woman that God has designed you to be. I know it's been a hard day, but HAPPY FOREVER FAMILY DAY TO YOU!