She Got Caught 83/365

I know, this is one pitiful face.  This would  be the face of a little girl after she gets caught doing something that she knew was wrong.  I wrestled with whether or not to post this, but I know how many people stop by my blog each day, and I know how many of them are adoptive parents.  I also hope to look back at this one day, and think to myself, "Wow, we have come so far!"  We have already come so far, but days like today remind me that we still have a long way to go.

To understand it all, you have to go back to LeeLee's beginnings.  I won't go into her story, because it is hers to share, but I will say that the environment that she found herself in was less than ideal.  I can tell you that when we visited the orphanage, my heart broke that day.  Our guide cried....this is what she does for a living, and she broke down and cried.  She confided in me that she had never visited an orphanage that was in such bad shape and where the children were in such neglect.  LeeLee at the tender age of 10 months clung to me that day with fear of me putting her down.  You see, she knew she had found what she needed when she was given a momma.  Most would think that at such a young age, that her past wouldn't affect her, but it has.  Some of the issues from her past are so deep rooted that we can only peel them one layer at a time.

As soon as LeeLee could walk, she would steal food.  She would take brand new cereal boxes and pour the food out underneath couch cushions, never really trusting that we were going to feed her.  In her precious little one year old mind, she was storing up for later, just in case.  Oh, how this broke our hearts.   It took over two years to break this habit.  However, food has continued it's strong hold on her.  When she sees food, she has to have it.  She can talk anyone, anywhere out of their food.  She can steal candy from her siblings, and she will justify it in her mind right up until the moment she is caught.  We have consulted with the best attachment specialists, and we have come so very far, but we still have work to do.

The other day, one of the teachers that works with Hope told me that she had not been coming first thing in the morning to her room like she had been for extra help.  I forgot about that conversation until today. Then today, I asked Hope why she hadn't been going to see the teacher and she replied, "Because, LeeLee told me I had to go with her to the breakfast."  Excuse me, what, breakfast!?!  They eat breakfast here at the house, and they take home lunches.  We do not eat any cafeteria food.  So, I call LeeLee up and question her about it.  You see what happened, the tears started flowing.  She knew it was wrong, she absolutely knew that she should not be going to eat breakfast at school, but because food was involved, she lost all reasonable thinking.  She lost all reasonable thinking to the tune of $50 worth of breakfasts.  I do not blame Hope at all in this situation as her mental capacity in these areas is along the lines of a three year old.  But LeeLee, my precious LeeLee, will be paying restitution for all $50 worth of breakfasts that she and Hope have eaten.  While I will still let her participate in our spring break fun, because the last thing I would ever want to do is make her feel rejected or not part of our family, she will also be doing tons of chores to pay back the money she wasted.

Oh my precious LeeLee how I pray that one day we can look back on all of this, and it will all have seemed so fleeting.  How I pray that you can let go of the deep wounds that burden your heart, and learn to always follow the strong voice of the one who is leading you.  You are a precious princess, and I am still proud to be your momma....you are my precious treasure!!